Dealing with loss…
How quickly the time passes. I rang in 2015 at my new apartment
with a view of the Space Needle. It was a fun housewarming with fireworks atop
the local icon at the stroke of midnight. Like the feeling of meeting new
people, I love the feeling of fresh starts. New Year’s Eve is one of those
nights for me. Sadly, 2015 started with a good bit of loss. One of dearest
mentors from high school passed away in January. I didn’t think it would hit me
so hard at first. But, I began thinking back to the people who have influenced
my life the most, and he is one of the first to say “David you are different
and you will go places”. That made me feel special and it also made me feel a
great deal of pressure to be successful and literally “go places”. When I
graduated from grad school in 2006, my parents threw a mini-sendoff banquet for
me, inviting our extended family, church members, and a host of my high school
mentors. Mr. Dismuke spoke, in the most fervent manner, about me leaving
Birmingham for the west coast and said (paraphrasing) “As I mentor young black
men in Birmingham, my desire is typically to have them stay in Birmingham and
make it a better city. But, David has always been different. He grew up here,
he became a strong leader, and he went on to pursue education outside of these
Southern walls. It is no surprise to me that he is choosing to move onward to
other areas of this country. He hasn’t outgrown his roots, but rather he needs
to move on to continue growing.” As he spoke, tears welling up in my eyes, I
had flashbacks to my high school days when he encouraged me to get involved
with leadership programs outside of my school. He explained that the more I
became exposed to others outside of my school, the more I would be able to grow
as a leader and influence change in our society. Even as I write this reflection,
so many stories pop in my head that shaped who I am today. So, to say I was
heartbroken by his passing is an understatement. Saying goodbye to Mr. Dismuke
was one of the hardest things I’ve done to date. In addition to losing Mr.
Dismuke, my closest friend Jose lost the love of his life to cancer a few short
months later. Although I can’t imagine the pain of his loss, I definitely felt
a good bit of grief myself. Although I attened 3 weddings this year, I missed the one
that meant the most to me. I knew we would likely lose Derek, given the type of
cancer and its rapid progression…and I wanted nothing more than to fix
everything for Jose. I’m glad they were able to spend time together and even
say “I do”. Alas, the inevitable happened, and I would do anything to change that.
Death and loss is quite powerful, and can have long lasting
effects if you don’t address those needs in a healthy and consistent way. I try
to stay active and healthy, but I will admit I probably should have taken more moments
to practice healthier self-care. In the end, I rung in the New Year thinking
that this would be a tough year and success would be simply making it through,
and so far that has happened. And for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful for those
who have helped make it worthwhile.
#PuraVida
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