So, instead of blogging about my life's joys, bloopers, fears, and pains for the past 5 months....(Man, finding the time and most importantly, the motivation to blog is harder than i anticipated). I will hopefully get a chance to see you all during my visit to Alabama. I was originally staying for only 8 days, but had to change my flight due to a death in the family. So, now I'm flying in much earlier and staying much longer than expected. Hope to see and hear from you all between Dec 14-jan 2.
Cheers,
~DD
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Rebirth of the Pre-Teen
Here a quick view of my new look for the next year or so. (Hopefully, not longer than 2)
Sunday, October 15, 2006
my so called life continues....
Hey folks,
I know...way overdue update. Lets just say, its taking me a while to get adjusted to having a fulltime job that entails living where u work and working where u live. Sure, its convenient when ur commute to the office involves walking out of ur apartment door, and down a flight of stairs. But, living down the hall from my vibrant freshman and sophomore residents drives me crazy. I feel guilty for not "hanging out" with my neighbors. But, chances are, they dont want me to be around for what they consider "fun". Plus, I am still settling in my new apartment, after living in a temporary apartment for 2 months. I moved here 5 weeks ago, and with school starting, havent had time to do anything. But I must break out the cement drill bits and picture frames this week for sure. We're having staff progressive night (which basically open house for all the staff in my building).
Why did I decide to get braces so soon after starting my job?? After many postponed appointments, and having four bucuspids ripped out of my gums, I am finally getting braces monday morning. I am definitely taking a REAL sick day! But, i might as well get my car registered too right? :)
Church is good, but I'm not really involved yet... Social life isn't too exciting, but I get up to SF as much as I can on the weekends. I hope to start taking Salsa dance classes in November, and maybe I'll get to the gym this week. HA!
Family back home is good. I talk more with my sisters now than I ever did while at montevallo or uconn. I'm not going home for thanksgiving, but Christmas should be good. Enuf for now. I guess I should sleep. Cheers
I know...way overdue update. Lets just say, its taking me a while to get adjusted to having a fulltime job that entails living where u work and working where u live. Sure, its convenient when ur commute to the office involves walking out of ur apartment door, and down a flight of stairs. But, living down the hall from my vibrant freshman and sophomore residents drives me crazy. I feel guilty for not "hanging out" with my neighbors. But, chances are, they dont want me to be around for what they consider "fun". Plus, I am still settling in my new apartment, after living in a temporary apartment for 2 months. I moved here 5 weeks ago, and with school starting, havent had time to do anything. But I must break out the cement drill bits and picture frames this week for sure. We're having staff progressive night (which basically open house for all the staff in my building).
Why did I decide to get braces so soon after starting my job?? After many postponed appointments, and having four bucuspids ripped out of my gums, I am finally getting braces monday morning. I am definitely taking a REAL sick day! But, i might as well get my car registered too right? :)
Church is good, but I'm not really involved yet... Social life isn't too exciting, but I get up to SF as much as I can on the weekends. I hope to start taking Salsa dance classes in November, and maybe I'll get to the gym this week. HA!
Family back home is good. I talk more with my sisters now than I ever did while at montevallo or uconn. I'm not going home for thanksgiving, but Christmas should be good. Enuf for now. I guess I should sleep. Cheers
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I'm still alive...
Hey folks,
Sorry I haven't posted a blog in a couple of weeks. A lot is happening with work, but I just don't have the time to write it all out right now. Stay tuned, and I hope you all are doing well. Oh, by the way, NorCal weather is still absolutely perfect, in case you were wondering. haha
Sorry I haven't posted a blog in a couple of weeks. A lot is happening with work, but I just don't have the time to write it all out right now. Stay tuned, and I hope you all are doing well. Oh, by the way, NorCal weather is still absolutely perfect, in case you were wondering. haha
Monday, August 07, 2006
community and communion...and beer
This is short, but I wanted to share some truths I have experienced latey (mostly just yesterday). I had a great conversation with BP yesterday afternoon, and for the first time really began to get my hands around this... When I am struggling the most with sin, fear, and doubt, the best place for me to be is with a community of believers. I also have begun to experience the joy that is in taking communion and experiencing that means of grace that Christ has given us. I have heard this language before (or something like it), but never knew what it would feel like to actually experience it first hand. and finally, I am thankful to Sam Adams for making good beer, it made my conversation with BP all the more enjoyable...haha
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Plastic or Metal
So, I am joining the ranks of pre-teens all over the country (and my friends Amanda and Adam) to get braces put on my teeth at the age of 25! Even though my insurance doesn't cover it, I can set aside pre-tax dollars to pay for them over time thru my job...(sigh of relief) Now, I have a choice to make: Traditional metal brackets for 1 1/2 to 2 years or Clear plasic-like brackets for a few months longer? I'm not sure, but I think I want to go with the more esthetically appealing choice. (at least for the top row). I guess Amanda is the only blog reader who can speak from experience, but what do you folks think?
Monday, July 31, 2006
I can rent a car now!!
Or at least rent one without being charged an additional "under 25" fee. So, Saturday was my birthday, and like the past 5 years, I have spent it away from my family, thanks to Beach Projects, CCP, training at UCONN, and my new job. But, I did get to talk with everyone back home and listen to their well wishes and teasing about me "getting old". My first birthday involved going to the 28th Annual Garlic festival in Gilroy, CA, which is the garlic capital of the world (and they are proud of their garlic)..haha. I met up with this girl from Boston that is interning at a nearby school. Actually, we've hung out twice in the past week. So, i could possibly call Saturday a 'date'. Not sure if anything will happen with that. Of course she leaves in another week for Boston, but she has two of my favorite qualities: Latina, and can dance salsa! Last Sunday we spent the afternoon at the famous Boardwalk amusement park and ate dinner on the Santa Cruz wharf...good times. If anything more comes of that friendship, I'll be sure to let you all know.
So, the other thing I did for my 25th was eat, drink, and be merry with my co-workers and their partners/spouces. Come to think of it, we do a lot of that...eat, drink, and be merry. Thanks to our lucrative budget and our convenient location, our RD (Resident Director) staff retreat involved us spending a day and a half in San Francisco...dining at fancy restaraunt, staying in a nice hotel, karoake bar, going to famous musical..good times I tell ya. I can stand this for a few more years..haha. We're even going to the Giants vs. Dodgers game as a staff in a couple weeks!!
So, overall life has been fun in the bay area. I shared at a community group meeting that my biggest challenge is trying to find a group of friends to spend time with and just getting adjusted to my truly single adult life. Don't get me wrong, I am sooo thankful that I already knew folks before moving here. But, the truth is its hard being single and working at a university. I can't exactly make friends with the undergrads, cause I'm a full-time staff member (the line was a lot grayer when I was a grad student). And, most of my colleagues are so different than me, that I find myself getting frustrated because I know that we couldn't just hang out all the time outside of work.
The church thing is sort of a struggle too. I've enjoyed my time attending church with my bama friends, but (i can't believe I'm actually saying this) well.... I just don't know if I'm ready to be the only black person in church again. I did that thing in Connecticut and it was pretty much the same at Briarwood in Birmingham. It can be emotionally draining and culturally confusing over time. On top of all this, my relationship with God has been less than good over the past few months (or year for that matter), and I'm having a rough time with spirtual things altogether. Honestly, it feels a lot better to just avoid the whole issue and superficially "hangout" at church. So, hopefully, I will get all this stuff worked out. Pray for me.
Sorry, if this is too long of a blog...I have more to say, but I'll dish it out in portions....
So, the other thing I did for my 25th was eat, drink, and be merry with my co-workers and their partners/spouces. Come to think of it, we do a lot of that...eat, drink, and be merry. Thanks to our lucrative budget and our convenient location, our RD (Resident Director) staff retreat involved us spending a day and a half in San Francisco...dining at fancy restaraunt, staying in a nice hotel, karoake bar, going to famous musical..good times I tell ya. I can stand this for a few more years..haha. We're even going to the Giants vs. Dodgers game as a staff in a couple weeks!!
So, overall life has been fun in the bay area. I shared at a community group meeting that my biggest challenge is trying to find a group of friends to spend time with and just getting adjusted to my truly single adult life. Don't get me wrong, I am sooo thankful that I already knew folks before moving here. But, the truth is its hard being single and working at a university. I can't exactly make friends with the undergrads, cause I'm a full-time staff member (the line was a lot grayer when I was a grad student). And, most of my colleagues are so different than me, that I find myself getting frustrated because I know that we couldn't just hang out all the time outside of work.
The church thing is sort of a struggle too. I've enjoyed my time attending church with my bama friends, but (i can't believe I'm actually saying this) well.... I just don't know if I'm ready to be the only black person in church again. I did that thing in Connecticut and it was pretty much the same at Briarwood in Birmingham. It can be emotionally draining and culturally confusing over time. On top of all this, my relationship with God has been less than good over the past few months (or year for that matter), and I'm having a rough time with spirtual things altogether. Honestly, it feels a lot better to just avoid the whole issue and superficially "hangout" at church. So, hopefully, I will get all this stuff worked out. Pray for me.
Sorry, if this is too long of a blog...I have more to say, but I'll dish it out in portions....
Monday, July 10, 2006
Day 1 is done...
I started work today and things don't seem too overwhelming. We went to HR and become official employees and got our ID cards made. I swear I felt like I was a freshman all over again. The good thing is my boss bought all of us new RD's one piece of Santa Clara Clothing. So, despite the warm weather, we all as a group decided to get the more expensive items...sweatshirts and jackets...I know EVIL!...haha. But we figured if it was free, we might as well save our money for the cheaper items like t-shirts and hats.
I also got a chance to see my new office, which is a regular double room for students minus the furniture, but including the mirror and sink( to wash up after lunch I suppose.) It also has the long bulletin cork boards running along the wall. I'm gonna have SO much fun decorating and getting this place to feel like a real office. I am also living in a faculty suite until late August or early September, while my actual apartment is being built. I checked out the future site, and it is currenly four rooms on the top floor of my building with vaulted ceiling and beams from the roof...so there will be a nice feel to my new place complete with new appliances and furniture..I'M SO SIKED!! Til then, I will continue to live out the boxes I packed back in May...haha
I also got a chance to see my new office, which is a regular double room for students minus the furniture, but including the mirror and sink( to wash up after lunch I suppose.) It also has the long bulletin cork boards running along the wall. I'm gonna have SO much fun decorating and getting this place to feel like a real office. I am also living in a faculty suite until late August or early September, while my actual apartment is being built. I checked out the future site, and it is currenly four rooms on the top floor of my building with vaulted ceiling and beams from the roof...so there will be a nice feel to my new place complete with new appliances and furniture..I'M SO SIKED!! Til then, I will continue to live out the boxes I packed back in May...haha
Friday, July 07, 2006
I'm a Cali boy now!!!
Well, I made it here safe and sound. Drove up to the Grand Canyon on Tuesday and was so exhausted that I took the shuttle to a couple stops, snapped some shots and hit the road towards Los Angeles. I will add pcitures later (I forgot to bring my camera with me to the coffee shop). But, anyway, if you get a chance to visit the Grand Canyon....DO IT!! and take a couple days to take it all in. flagstaff is a wonderful city just south of it, and hotel rates aren't that bad if you travel with a few people and use priceline.
After driving 12 hours on Sunday, and another 13 on monday, my 8 hour trip to LA was a little bit tiresome. But I got some good rest in SoCal. Besides the awful smog that is everywhere because of pollution, hollywood was a fun place to visit. My buddy there took me to see the famous sign and we drove down to Venice Beach for the day on Wednesday. I took my final trek north to Santa Clara, which took me about 5 hours. Said Hi to a few folks in my departments office, and crashed like a plane with no engines until sometime this afternoon. I haven't been this tired since I took some sleeping pills on my 13 hour flight from LAX to Taipei, Taiwan. I kept trying to get up and move around, but my head wouldn't move, just kept sleeping.
So, I am totally lost in this new city, in terms of finding different things. Apparently, the campus is pretty central to a lot of things, but that also means I need to learn the lay of the land in order to get to the different places....UGH. thankfully the constant 85 degree breezy weather and endless palm trees keep me company when I lose my direction...haha. However, i'm sure the gas prices will encourage me to learn my way sooner than later. I paid a crazy 70 DOLLARS for a fill-up yesterday!!! AHH!!! Until I get my first pay check, daddy is not going to be happy with the amount I ask for during my weekly allowance calls...LOL.
Miss everyone...but have a feeling Cali will treat me right.... To start things out right, I get to hear BP preach this Sunday at church :-D
Cheers,
~DD
After driving 12 hours on Sunday, and another 13 on monday, my 8 hour trip to LA was a little bit tiresome. But I got some good rest in SoCal. Besides the awful smog that is everywhere because of pollution, hollywood was a fun place to visit. My buddy there took me to see the famous sign and we drove down to Venice Beach for the day on Wednesday. I took my final trek north to Santa Clara, which took me about 5 hours. Said Hi to a few folks in my departments office, and crashed like a plane with no engines until sometime this afternoon. I haven't been this tired since I took some sleeping pills on my 13 hour flight from LAX to Taipei, Taiwan. I kept trying to get up and move around, but my head wouldn't move, just kept sleeping.
So, I am totally lost in this new city, in terms of finding different things. Apparently, the campus is pretty central to a lot of things, but that also means I need to learn the lay of the land in order to get to the different places....UGH. thankfully the constant 85 degree breezy weather and endless palm trees keep me company when I lose my direction...haha. However, i'm sure the gas prices will encourage me to learn my way sooner than later. I paid a crazy 70 DOLLARS for a fill-up yesterday!!! AHH!!! Until I get my first pay check, daddy is not going to be happy with the amount I ask for during my weekly allowance calls...LOL.
Miss everyone...but have a feeling Cali will treat me right.... To start things out right, I get to hear BP preach this Sunday at church :-D
Cheers,
~DD
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
25 is my sleep number, whats yours?
Well, I made it to Flagstaff, Arizona last night...and managed to get a good rate at a Radisson Hotel for the night...needless to say the beds are more than comfortable, complete with remote control to adjust firmness of the mattress...haha. Well, I'm about to take a trip up to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, and then driving to Burbank, CA to visit a friend and his family...Santa Clara soon enough....
Something I learned yesterday...Arizona (Indiana I knew about) is also a state that doesn't recognize Daylight Savings Time...I was a bit perplexed when my cell phone's time rolled back an hour when I crossed the AZ state line. I certain that AZ was in the Mountain Time Zone, but the desk clerk at the hotel educated me on the matter last night.
Fun fact: The restaurant I know as Hardee's is apparently called "Carl Jr.'s" out west LOL. I'm serious...at first I thought I was passing a former Hardee's that "Carl Jr." was too cheap to change the sign with the star and red awning. But, to my surprise, I passed at least 5 or 6 Carl Jr.'s throughout North Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. Enough for now, time to get movin...
Something I learned yesterday...Arizona (Indiana I knew about) is also a state that doesn't recognize Daylight Savings Time...I was a bit perplexed when my cell phone's time rolled back an hour when I crossed the AZ state line. I certain that AZ was in the Mountain Time Zone, but the desk clerk at the hotel educated me on the matter last night.
Fun fact: The restaurant I know as Hardee's is apparently called "Carl Jr.'s" out west LOL. I'm serious...at first I thought I was passing a former Hardee's that "Carl Jr." was too cheap to change the sign with the star and red awning. But, to my surprise, I passed at least 5 or 6 Carl Jr.'s throughout North Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. Enough for now, time to get movin...
Monday, July 03, 2006
Stopped in OK City....
I drove about 11 hours yesterday, traveled thru Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, and halfway thru Oklahoma.....I think I'm gonna cut out a day in my travels....I stopped in Oklahoma City last night and had my last taste of Waffle House for quite a while. (I don't think they have them out West.) So, my plan is to get to keep goin thru Texas, New Mexico and stop in Flagstaff, AZ (just south of grand canyon) before sunset tonight. If nightfalls beats me there, I will just get up really early to catch the sunrise in the grand canyon. Well, I'm off to check-out and hit the road.....
Cheers!
Cheers!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Leaving Birmingham this Sunday....
So, four weeks has gone by pretty fast. I spent some good times with friends, been to Six Flags and went out dancing. My family is still trying to get the new house together, so I guess they will be moving on their own in the next couple weeks. I hope to do some thinking and blogging while I'm on the road...
My road trip schedule: 40 hours of driving in 5 days...
Sunday (drive 12 hours): stopping in Oklahoma City, OK
Monday (drive 8 hours): stopping in Albuquerque, NM
Tuesday (drive 7 hours): stop and visit Grand Canyon national Park
Wednesday (drive 8 hours): stop in Burbank, CA
Thursday (drive 5 hours): arrive in Santa Clara, CA (my new home and job!!)
Be on the lookout for a blog during my stops... I'm only sleeping at hotels with free internet...haha
My road trip schedule: 40 hours of driving in 5 days...
Sunday (drive 12 hours): stopping in Oklahoma City, OK
Monday (drive 8 hours): stopping in Albuquerque, NM
Tuesday (drive 7 hours): stop and visit Grand Canyon national Park
Wednesday (drive 8 hours): stop in Burbank, CA
Thursday (drive 5 hours): arrive in Santa Clara, CA (my new home and job!!)
Be on the lookout for a blog during my stops... I'm only sleeping at hotels with free internet...haha
Friday, June 09, 2006
home sweet home alabama (bham update)
I started my trek down South last Saturday, after spending two days in New York City. I drove 16 1/2 hours non-stop (minus gas and food) from New Haven, CT train station to Peachtree City, GA. I visited a friend there and stayed overnight before driving home Sunday afternoon to Birmingham. I am finally feelin a lot better. I came down with this awful sore throat congestion body ache thingy last Friday.
Anywhoo...I've hungout a couple times with friends in Bham, and looking forward to going out a bit more. Latin Dancing next weekend is listed in Black & White (a newspaper just for local arts and entertainment postings). I will definitely be at that event....
I saw my parents new house the other day, and it needs work!! They just closed on this week on our current house, and will close on the new one next Wednesday. I hope they are planning to hire a bunch of professionals to take care of all the stuff in a lightning fast time. (My dad is very focused on moving before July 1. (Don't ask me how its going to happen)..hahaha
Until things get frantic at home, I hope to get some much needed downtime like hangin out at Cambridge Coffee and going out at night....I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I have exactly 22 days to enjoy this until I drive out for California!!! My how the time flies....
Anywhoo...I've hungout a couple times with friends in Bham, and looking forward to going out a bit more. Latin Dancing next weekend is listed in Black & White (a newspaper just for local arts and entertainment postings). I will definitely be at that event....
I saw my parents new house the other day, and it needs work!! They just closed on this week on our current house, and will close on the new one next Wednesday. I hope they are planning to hire a bunch of professionals to take care of all the stuff in a lightning fast time. (My dad is very focused on moving before July 1. (Don't ask me how its going to happen)..hahaha
Until things get frantic at home, I hope to get some much needed downtime like hangin out at Cambridge Coffee and going out at night....I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I have exactly 22 days to enjoy this until I drive out for California!!! My how the time flies....
Monday, May 22, 2006
Going home sooner than I thought...
My parents will be closing a home this week, so mom has requested that I come back to Birmingham sooner than later. So, I should be back in Bham by June 4 or 5. Anywhooo.... the weather is still April-like in Connecticut. Its been sunny all day today. We actually had a couple of days of sunshine last week. But, the occasionally thunderstorm tends to show up every other day. So, despite the sun today the high today was maybe 65 degrees. UGH!!! Can't wait to be home, and certainly can't wait to be living in SUNNY CALI-FOR-NI-YAY!!
I've been thinkin a lot about moving around and experiencing new places and how exciting it is for me. But, honestly my life as a pseudo-loner has been pretty dim at times. I started thinking about all the folks I would consider friends and realized that none of them are my absolute best friends. (no offense if you consider me one). But, seriously, I am sort of the transient buddy of several people, and while that's not altogether bad. Its really not so fun when I am not feeling so well and need to call someone who knows everything thats going on with me. (I guess God and my mom would qualify, but you get the point). The last time I felt this way was exactly 2 years ago. I was about to leave for Thailand, and began to realize that, after two months, I would have to say goodbye to all my wonderful CCP teammates and funny Thai people and begin yet another journey to New England for grad school. (I still laugh and cry when I think of the cheesy Thai music that made Lyndsey cry and hug me all the way in the cab in Bangkok...LOL) Why do I keep doing this to myself?!?!
Oh well, the contract has been signed and there is too much sunshine in California for me to dwell on the sad things!!
"This too shall pass"
I've been thinkin a lot about moving around and experiencing new places and how exciting it is for me. But, honestly my life as a pseudo-loner has been pretty dim at times. I started thinking about all the folks I would consider friends and realized that none of them are my absolute best friends. (no offense if you consider me one). But, seriously, I am sort of the transient buddy of several people, and while that's not altogether bad. Its really not so fun when I am not feeling so well and need to call someone who knows everything thats going on with me. (I guess God and my mom would qualify, but you get the point). The last time I felt this way was exactly 2 years ago. I was about to leave for Thailand, and began to realize that, after two months, I would have to say goodbye to all my wonderful CCP teammates and funny Thai people and begin yet another journey to New England for grad school. (I still laugh and cry when I think of the cheesy Thai music that made Lyndsey cry and hug me all the way in the cab in Bangkok...LOL) Why do I keep doing this to myself?!?!
Oh well, the contract has been signed and there is too much sunshine in California for me to dwell on the sad things!!
"This too shall pass"
Monday, May 15, 2006
Happy to leave New England
So, graduation weekend was a beautiful 70 degrees for 3 days straight. And what happened after that....rain!! Its been 45-50 and rainy since last Tuesday. UGH! We had to check-out all 900 residents from our apartments (which normally wouldn't happen if the fire marshalls just stop finding fire code violations). So, we gave our residents one week to move out. They had to be out by noon last Friday. They had 5 days to move their crap!!! 400 of them waited until Friday morning to come back and try to pack up their entire apartments within 4 hours. It rained the hardest on Friday ALL DAY!!! Why did I decide to stay and work for 5 more weeks. Outside of visiting with friends from the area, I imagine my time left in New England will be boring, and (thanks to weather) officially depressed. California can't get here any sooner!! Oh wait....the sun literally just broke through the clouds as I'm typing/venting. There is a GOD!!!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Two down...one to go
So, I graduated yesterday, and had a very busy weekend of activities. My family flew in from Birmingham, and arrived just in time for us to be 40 mintues late for my program's reception. Because the only hotel near my campus rates were ridiculous, we were all packed in my cozy one room effeciency on campus. But, overall it was a good weekend!! My dad seems to be better about me moving to California, he even hinted at getting me a "better" vehicle when I get back to Birmingham this summer. My response: "I wouldn't mind having nicer car to drive" My thoughts: "Hmmm...maybe spending a few extra weeks at home isn't so bad after all"...hehe.
So, funny story about graduation....all the graduates and families are taking their seats, preparing for the platform and faculty procession, when a classmate nudges me to point out a lady sitting directly across from us, nursing her child with no blanket to cover. She was sitting right on the second row in Gampel Pavillion (huge dome basketball arena on campus), and I swear the kid was no younger than 2 years old!!! My jaw immediately dropped and I literally fell out of my seat laughing, while my classmate tries to still my camera, cause it had a stronger optical zoom....LOL.
***64 days til I start my new job in Cali!!!
So, funny story about graduation....all the graduates and families are taking their seats, preparing for the platform and faculty procession, when a classmate nudges me to point out a lady sitting directly across from us, nursing her child with no blanket to cover. She was sitting right on the second row in Gampel Pavillion (huge dome basketball arena on campus), and I swear the kid was no younger than 2 years old!!! My jaw immediately dropped and I literally fell out of my seat laughing, while my classmate tries to still my camera, cause it had a stronger optical zoom....LOL.
***64 days til I start my new job in Cali!!!
Saturday, April 29, 2006
So, this is my first blog (obviously). I figured creating my own blog would give me motivation to actually journal from time to time.
Well, I graduate in exactly one week, and I also have a job lined up in sunny California at a great school with great pay and benefits (not bad huh?) Well, why is it that my life sometimes feels so unfulfilling? Don't get me wrong, completing my masters degree is a HUGE accomplishment, but I guess I have just been so worried about my future and the unknown that it all seems a bit grey right now. Being at UCONN, away from my family and friends has been depressing, yet very exciting all the same. I have been able to meet some cool people here, and more freedom to explore more of who I really am as an individual. I really do love the folks back home, but I guess I felt so much pressure to be who they either want me to be, who they expected me to become, or maybe it was just me being someone totally different than who I really was meant to be. I DON'T KNOW!!! Back at Montevallo I got really involved with this campus ministry group and even came to UCONN with intentions of helping a new group get started here. But, with time I realized that I wasn't ready to be in a position of spiritual leadership (which is what my former campus ministry group continuously preached...being a "laborer"). Maybe it was the pressure of school and work, maybe it was the pressure of trying to be an "excellent" well-rounded professional. Again, I DON'T KNOW!!! But, I do know that in addition to making good christian friends, I also built some strong relationships with people with lives totally contrary to the "Chrisitan life". It has been equally scary, as it is refreshing that those are the people I feel I have the most in common with.
I have heard people say that God has blessed me with talents and gifts that can be used to make an impact on the world (which has caused some serious ego issues at time). On the flip side of it, He has apparently either blessed or cursed me with issues that I often feel nullify my ability to use those gifts and talents. The bottom line is: while I appear to be a confident black man who is able to adapt to and interact with virtually any environment, group of people, religious philosophy, etc., I often feel like a socially/ethnically/intellectually/spiritually confused outcast who has a good "game face".
Now, I'm moving to California in July, to yet another new place, even farther away from home. My family isn't exactly happy about this. But, as I said before the job is great, the pay is great, and I think I found a "good fit" for my first job. Thankfully, I will be near friends from Alabama, who moved out there about a year ago. But, now I'm nervous that they may be expecting that first person I described, but end up with the second person I have come to terms with.
Sorry to make my first blog such a sad one. But, hey life is full of bitter-sweet nothings, hence my blog title. Isn't this what a blog is here for? If not, reply with some useful blogging lessons for me.... :)
Well, I graduate in exactly one week, and I also have a job lined up in sunny California at a great school with great pay and benefits (not bad huh?) Well, why is it that my life sometimes feels so unfulfilling? Don't get me wrong, completing my masters degree is a HUGE accomplishment, but I guess I have just been so worried about my future and the unknown that it all seems a bit grey right now. Being at UCONN, away from my family and friends has been depressing, yet very exciting all the same. I have been able to meet some cool people here, and more freedom to explore more of who I really am as an individual. I really do love the folks back home, but I guess I felt so much pressure to be who they either want me to be, who they expected me to become, or maybe it was just me being someone totally different than who I really was meant to be. I DON'T KNOW!!! Back at Montevallo I got really involved with this campus ministry group and even came to UCONN with intentions of helping a new group get started here. But, with time I realized that I wasn't ready to be in a position of spiritual leadership (which is what my former campus ministry group continuously preached...being a "laborer"). Maybe it was the pressure of school and work, maybe it was the pressure of trying to be an "excellent" well-rounded professional. Again, I DON'T KNOW!!! But, I do know that in addition to making good christian friends, I also built some strong relationships with people with lives totally contrary to the "Chrisitan life". It has been equally scary, as it is refreshing that those are the people I feel I have the most in common with.
I have heard people say that God has blessed me with talents and gifts that can be used to make an impact on the world (which has caused some serious ego issues at time). On the flip side of it, He has apparently either blessed or cursed me with issues that I often feel nullify my ability to use those gifts and talents. The bottom line is: while I appear to be a confident black man who is able to adapt to and interact with virtually any environment, group of people, religious philosophy, etc., I often feel like a socially/ethnically/intellectually/spiritually confused outcast who has a good "game face".
Now, I'm moving to California in July, to yet another new place, even farther away from home. My family isn't exactly happy about this. But, as I said before the job is great, the pay is great, and I think I found a "good fit" for my first job. Thankfully, I will be near friends from Alabama, who moved out there about a year ago. But, now I'm nervous that they may be expecting that first person I described, but end up with the second person I have come to terms with.
Sorry to make my first blog such a sad one. But, hey life is full of bitter-sweet nothings, hence my blog title. Isn't this what a blog is here for? If not, reply with some useful blogging lessons for me.... :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)