So, this is my first blog (obviously). I figured creating my own blog would give me motivation to actually journal from time to time.

Well, I graduate in exactly one week, and I also have a job lined up in sunny California at a great school with great pay and benefits (not bad huh?) Well, why is it that my life sometimes feels so unfulfilling? Don't get me wrong, completing my masters degree is a HUGE accomplishment, but I guess I have just been so worried about my future and the unknown that it all seems a bit grey right now. Being at UCONN, away from my family and friends has been depressing, yet very exciting all the same. I have been able to meet some cool people here, and more freedom to explore more of who I really am as an individual. I really do love the folks back home, but I guess I felt so much pressure to be who they either want me to be, who they expected me to become, or maybe it was just me being someone totally different than who I really was meant to be. I DON'T KNOW!!! Back at Montevallo I got really involved with this campus ministry group and even came to UCONN with intentions of helping a new group get started here. But, with time I realized that I wasn't ready to be in a position of spiritual leadership (which is what my former campus ministry group continuously preached...being a "laborer"). Maybe it was the pressure of school and work, maybe it was the pressure of trying to be an "excellent" well-rounded professional. Again, I DON'T KNOW!!! But, I do know that in addition to making good christian friends, I also built some strong relationships with people with lives totally contrary to the "Chrisitan life". It has been equally scary, as it is refreshing that those are the people I feel I have the most in common with.

I have heard people say that God has blessed me with talents and gifts that can be used to make an impact on the world (which has caused some serious ego issues at time). On the flip side of it, He has apparently either blessed or cursed me with issues that I often feel nullify my ability to use those gifts and talents. The bottom line is: while I appear to be a confident black man who is able to adapt to and interact with virtually any environment, group of people, religious philosophy, etc., I often feel like a socially/ethnically/intellectually/spiritually confused outcast who has a good "game face".

Now, I'm moving to California in July, to yet another new place, even farther away from home. My family isn't exactly happy about this. But, as I said before the job is great, the pay is great, and I think I found a "good fit" for my first job. Thankfully, I will be near friends from Alabama, who moved out there about a year ago. But, now I'm nervous that they may be expecting that first person I described, but end up with the second person I have come to terms with.

Sorry to make my first blog such a sad one. But, hey life is full of bitter-sweet nothings, hence my blog title. Isn't this what a blog is here for? If not, reply with some useful blogging lessons for me.... :)